Ness Greil and the Hocotatian Stone
by PrincessKatniss02
Summary: An abused boy named Ness discovers he's a Smasher and is sent off to learn about his newfound powers. HARRY POTTER AND SMASH CROSSOVER.
1. The Smasher Who Lived

**Well, hey there, guys, this is PK2 here, and this is ANOTHER new fanfic! Now, I know what you are thinking "OH MY GODS PK2 IS STOPPING AURA CYCLE!" NO, I AM NOT. I have had this rotting in my computer since December, but only now was I able to get the OK-GO from my inspiration, aka gamer4. This is a Smash Bros fic that takes the characters of the Smash Bros games and inserts them into the story of Harry Potter, starring Ness as the Boy who Lived! So, without further ado, here we go-a!**

**DISCLAIMER: PK2 does not own SSB or Harry Potter. If PK2 owned SSB, Wolf would not have been cut from SSB4 and if PK2 owned Harry Potter, Lupin and Tonks would still be alive!**

James and Joanna Bond of 1794 Microsoft Lane were proud to say that they were as normal as normal could go. James was a tall lanky British man with close cropped brown hair and a slightly reddish face. He was the owner of a company called Skyfall Industries, which made watches. His wife Joanna was a slightly bulky woman with black hair and a keen eye, which was _very _useful for spying on her neighbors. James and Joanna had a baby son named Porky, and in their opinion Porky was the finest boy the country had seen in forever.

Yes, the Bonds had everything that any family would want, but they also carried the burden of a dreadful secret, and the immense fear that the secret would be discovered.

They absolutely dreaded to think about what the folk would say when they learned about the Greils. Mrs. Bond was Mrs. Greil's older sister, but they never spoke. In fact Joanna and James pretended that Joanna had no siblings, because Mr. and Mrs. Greil were anything _but _normal. The Bonds knew that the Greils had a son around Porky's age, but he was just another reason for the Bonds to not contact with the Greils- they would let a train run over their house before letting Porky mix with a boy who was a… a… they couldn't even say what the Greils _were_!

When the Bonds awoke on the rainy Thursday morning that this tale begins, no hint could be found to show that anything was different or life changing. Mr. Bond whistled the Star Wars theme as he tried to decide what pair of identical black shoes he would wear, while Mrs. Bond chatted away happily on the phone as she tried to unsuccessfully coax a spoonful of baby food into Porky's mouth.

None of them noticed the black-and-white hawk soar gracefully past the kitchen window.

At exactly 9:00 AM, Mr. Bond picked up his suitcase, kissed his wife goodbye, and tried to tousle Porky's hair but failed as the boy has sobbing a mess and had his head tipped all the way up. "Ah, the little tramp." Mr. Bond snorted before heading out.

It was at the corner of Microsoft Lane that he saw the first sign of peculiarness: a slim purple cat reading a book. Mr. Bond had to blink to check his vision. There was a purple cat, but no book in sight. As Mr. Bond turned the corner, it focused on the sign that said Microsoft Lane. Mr. Bond shrugged it off and focused on a large supply of watches he was hoping to have shipped to him.

But on the street across his work place, Mr. Bond saw a group of strange people dressed up. And these weren't normal getups, these getups looked straight like something from an anime! What in the name of… Ah, well, he would have to tell them off later.

Mr. Bond's office had no windows. It made the area a little stuffy in summer, but it made it easier to concentrate. As such, Mr. Bond didn't see the black-and-white hawks swooping around in mass numbers, to the astonishment to the other folk who had never seen many hawks, let alone black and white ones! But Mr. Bond had a perfectly calm, hawk-free morning, full of yelling and calling. It wasn't until he decided to head across to the deli for a sandwich around noon when things got suspicious.

As he trotted over to the deli, Mr. Bond caught eye of the anime roleplayers and eyed them angrily. He tried to get over to them so he could slap them, but the he caught wind of what they were gossiping about.

"The Greils, yes, those are the ones…"

"Yes, their young son, Ness…"

Mr. Bond froze. What the… How did theses roleplayers know about his disgraced in-laws? All thoughts of a nice BLT gone, Mr. Bond ran to his office. He locked himself up in his room and instantly attempted to call Joanna. At the last moment however, he stopped himself and decided to left Joanna have her peace of mind. And so he returned to his work.

When Mr. Bond arrived at the house, the first thing that he saw was the cat, now skulling around his front steps. He angrily kicked it as he headed inside. The first thing he heard was the news:

"Well, guys, that finishes up our report on the hawk sighting. Now on to the weather."

"Thanks, Tom. Well, no snow like I promised, but a lot of shooting stars around the area! These people **still **don't get that Fourth of July is over! That's it for the news fellers!"

That was it. **That. ****Was. **_**IT.**_ Mr. Bond stormed up to Mrs. Bond's room for answers. Mrs. Bond greeted her husband with a smile, then noticed his agitated mood. "What's the matter, dearie?"

"Joanna, have you heard any news from your sister's family recently?" Mr. Bond asked, to which Mrs. Bond angrily replied back with **"No, WHY?"**

"Well, I heard weird things on the news… and saw weird people in town… but it's nothing to worry about!" Mr. Bond stuttered, sweatdropping. "OK." replied Mrs. Bond, relaxing. " But, what was their son's name?" Mr. Bond asked, praying to God that it was something like Noah or Nathan.

"Ness. Ugly, obscure name." Mr. Bond resisted the urge to scream while muttering "I agree."

And with that, they went to bed. But not even moments after the lights were turned off, a strange figure arrived at Microsoft Lane.

This man was a slightly stout man, with bushy brown hair and a mustache to match. Actually, his hair wasn't even visible as the man covered it with a red cap with an M on it He also wore a red shirt, overalls, jeans, and simple black shoes. This man was named Mario Shroomer.

Mario Shroomer did not seem to care that he was on a street where his mustache, last name, and generally anything weird was unwelcomed. He pulled out an ancient looking flute and blew a note. One of the street lamps went out. Mario blew the Eon Flute until the only glow came from the cat's eyes. The cat was nursing it's kick bruise on a rock, but now it's attention was fixed on Mario. Mario caught the cat staring at him and chuckled. "Oh, what else would I expect?" he asked himself. He slipped the Eon Flute in his pocket and sat down on the same rock as the cat.

"Lucina, I wasn't expecting to see you at this hour."

Mario grinned at the cat- or rather, lack therof, for in the cat's place was a stern looking blue haired woman.

"Mario, how did you recognize me?" the woman asked.

"Why, Lucina, no normal Purrloin would lie on a rock with such discomfort!"

"You'd lie down with discomfort if you had been precariously balancing on a garden fence for most of the day!" Lucina scoffed.

"All day? At a time when you could be celebrating? Almost every Smasher house I've came across has been partying!" Mario exclaimed.

"Oh, yes, everybody's celebrating. But they should get more sense- even the Contras noticed!" Lucina snarled. "Shooting stars- I'm betting that was Alph Hocotate, the senseless fool!"

"We _have _been living in fear for 11 years, so why can't we let footloose?" Mario asked.

"That's the thing!" Lucina barked. "Flocks of Staraptors… the shooting stars… and of course, the rumors." Lucina shuddered. "It certainly would be fine if the Contras discover us on the same day that The Unnamable falls- if the Unnamable is really gone."

"It seems as if He is gone. Would you care for an Oreo, Lucina?"

"A _**WHAT?"**_

"An Oreo. They're a type of Contra snack that I have a soft spot for." Mario explained.

"This is not a time for snacks." Lucina snarled, but Mario, who was breaking apart an Oreo, didn't care. "I want to know if the rumors about the Unnamable are-"

"Oh, Lucina, surely you would be sensible enough to say his name? For years I have been trying to get people to say the name- _**Andross**_." Lucina flinched at the name, but continued.

"So, what I have heard these rumors say that the Unnama- okay, _**Andross**_, went over to Sakurai's Grotto last night. He went to find the Greils. The rumors are that Ike and Samus Greil are… are that they are _**DEAD**_."

Mario nodded slowly. Lucina gasped.

"Ike... and Samus… I didn't want to believe the rumors… the Greils were too good… Oh, Mario…"

"I know, I know." Mario spoke reassuringly, though he was tearing up.

"But that's not all." Lucina pressed on "The rumors say that Andross attempted to kill Ike and Samus's baby son, Ness. But… he failed. And Andross's power was drained, and that's why he's gone."

Mario bowed. Lucina's jaw dropped.

"**HOW IN THE NAME OF GRIMA?" **Lucina screamed "Andross killed Smashers with as much power as you, but he failed at killing a _**BABY?**_"

"The ways of fate are strange sometimes." Mario whispered. He then inspected a watch with weird little symbols instead of numbers, but which obviously made sense to him because he then announced: "Ganondorf's late. I'm pretty sure it was him who told you I would come."

"Yes, it was him. But why **are **you here?" Lucina asked.

"I'm bringing Ness to his aunt and uncle. They're his only living relatives."

"Good Grima, you don't mean the people who live here!" Lucina cried, pointing to Number 1794. "The uncle's a pompous idiot and the aunt's a nosy rat! And don't even get me started on their son-he's a monster! Ness Greil to live _**here!**_" Lucina screeched.

"It's for the best." Mario sighed. "I suppose you are right. But who's bringing him?" asked Lucina.

"Ganondorf."

"**GANONDORF?" **Lucina howled.

"Ganondorf's a good man, Lucina. He just tends to run a little-"

**VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!**

A gigantic tank fell out of the sky and crashed. The tank was humongous, a battle ready machine that was white with blue markings. Then the tank door opened, and the driver stepped out.

The driver was as tall as the tank was big. The man had dark skin, with shockingly red hair. He was muscular, with hands as big as cattle. In his arms he held a small figure tightly swaddled in blankets.

"Ah, Ganondorf! We were just talking about you! But where in the name of Mushroomy Kingdom did you get that Landmaster?" Mario's greeting was turning into questioning.

"It's a loaner, Mario sir." Ganondorf spoke with a slight Southern drawl. "Wolf O' Donnell let me borrow it for some speedier transportation. I got Ness, sir."

"Any problems?"

"Nope, Mario sir, though the Contras were starting to crowd around as we left. Ness fell asleep as we were soaring over Detroit."

Ganondorf lowered his arms, and Mario and Lucina peered inside the blanket. Inside was a baby boy with bluish-black hair, fast asleep. On the boy's forehead was a curious scar shaped like the planet Earth.

"Oh, _**gods**_, was that where…?" Lucina gently ran her finger over the scar. "Yes. That scar will stay with him for the rest of his life." Mario murmured. Lucina looked at him pleadingly. "I can't remove it. Scars have their uses though; I happen to have one on my left thigh that is an _**exact **_map of New York City. Well, Ganondorf, it's time."

"Can…. I just kiss him goodbye…?" Ganondorf kissed the boy before handing him off to Mario. He then let out a horrid scream of despair. "Shh… Calm down, Ganondorf." Mario spoke calmingly.

"I know, but… Ike and Samus… dead… and Ness… off to live with Contras…" Ganondorf then broke down. Lucina sighed, rolled her eyes, and motioned to Mario, who then walked over to the front door and placed Ness gently on the front step. He then took out a envelope and slid it in between the folds of the blanket. Lucina and Ganondorf joined him; Ganondorf's shoulders were heaving, and tears were running down Lucina's cheeks.

"Well… I guess our business is done. Let us join the parties." Mario whispered. Lucina nodded. "I agree. My mind is a mess." Lucina said. "I'll join ya… Wolf will have my head if I don't return the Landmaster to him soon, anyways." Ganondorf added.

Lucina and Ganondorf left, but Mario stood for a few moments longer, looking at the bundle. "Good luck, Ness…" he murmured before stepping into the night.

Ness just simply slept on without a care in the world. He slept on without knowing that he was special, without knowing he was famous, without knowing he would be awoken in two hours' time by his aunt's screech as she put out the mail, without knowing that his next few weeks would be spent being pushed and kicked around by his cousin Porky. He certainly didn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret were holding toasts while whispering "To Ness Greil, the Smasher who lived!"

**Well, that was beautiful. And YES, James Bond does have games, and Joanna is Joanna Dark from **_**Perfect Dark. **_**Samus Greil is Samus Aran. And YES, I know that Ganondorf is OOC, forgive me. With that, see ya later! **


	2. The Disappearing Glass

**Swiggity swag, what's in the bag, guys? It's PK2 here, armed with another chapter of the Ness Greil saga! Before we begin, I would like to give thanks to my only favorite (pichufan101) and only reviewer (Twilight Joltik) Hope the two of you stick around! So now let's-a-go!**

**Oh, you wanna disclaimer? TOO BAD, WALUIGI TIME- I mean, I don't own SSB or Harry Potter.**

Ten years. Ten years (almost eleven) since the Bonds had woken up to find their nephew on the doorstep. Microsoft Lane, however, had hardly changed at all. The sun still shone on 1794 as it always did, but instead of the house's living room being covered in pictures what looked like an oversized basketball swaddled in rainbow-colored blankets, there were now photographs of a thick blond boy playing baseball with his father, or baking cookies with his mother. If you looked at the living room walls, you could hardly guess that another boy inhabited the house.

However, Ness Greil still lived there. He was asleep at the moment, but not for long, as his Aunt Joanna was awake and her voice was often the first sound of the day.

"_**HUP HUP HUP, GET UP, GET UP!"**_

Ness nearly fell out of bed. His aunt knocked on the door again.

"**UP!" **she snarled. Ness heard her stomp to the kitchen and then turn on the stove. He stumbled to his feet and tried to remember the dream he'd been having. It had been a wonderful dream, involving a flying tank. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling it wasn't the first time he had had this dream.

Ness's aunt appeared outside his door again.

"You up yet?" she demanded. "Almost." Ness groggily muttered. "Get a move on; I need you to look after the pancakes. _**Don't let them burn**_: everything has to be perfect on Porky's birthday."

"Oh, gods, _no!" _Ness grumbled. His aunt glared at him, to whom he responded "I… I said nothing!"

Porky's birthday- how could he have forgotten so _easily_? Ness stood up and begun looking for clean clothes. He quickly found a pair and put them on, but not before pulling a cockroach off of them. Ness was used to cockroaches, as the pantry was full of them, and Ness slept in the pantry.

After getting dressed, he crawled out of the pantry and headed to the kitchen. The first thing that he noticed was that the room was _covered _in unwrapped gifts. It seemed as if Porky had gotten the Xbox One that he had been begging for, not to mention the iPad Air 2 and the treadmill. Ness couldn't figure out for the life of him why Porky wanted a treadmill, as Porky was lazy and abhorred exercise- unless, of course, it involved someone being tackled. Porky's favorite "prey" was Ness, but he could never pounce on him, as Ness was surprisingly quick on his feet.

It probably had to do with the fact that he spent most of his life cooped up in a tiny pantry, but Ness was smaller and thinner than most boys his age. This was only enhanced by the fact that all he had to wear was Porky's old clothes. He had a wispy face, shaky knees, bluish-black hair, and blue-gray eyes. His nose was slightly crooked from all the times Porky had stepped on it. There was only one thing that Ness liked about his appearance, which was a curious scar that was shaped like Earth. The scar had been with him since he could walk and talk, and the first _ever _question he had asked was about how he had gotten the scar, to his Aunt Joanna.

"During the flood that killed your parents." she had snarled. "And _**never ask questions.**_"

_Never ask questions_- also known as the First Rule to a Quiet Life with the Bonds.

Uncle James entered the room as Ness was flipping over the pancakes and greeted him with a bark of "COMB YOUR HAIR!" This was better than when he shouted that Ness needed a haircut- Ness had had more haircuts than all of the boys in the school.

Ness had fried the eggs and was now grilling bacon when Porky arrived in the kitchen with Aunt Joanna. He was like a younger, portlier version of Uncle James- close-cropped blond hair, little neck, small brown eyes. Aunt Joanna often called Porky a Baby Jesus; Ness often called Porky a furless sloth.

Ness put the plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the table with great difficulty while Porky counted his gifts. His face fell.

"Ninety-eight" he muttered. "That's three less than last year."

"Didja count these two?" asked Ness, throwing what looked like two 3DS games to Porky.

"One hundred, then… that's still one less…" Porky looked ready to cry. Aunt Joanna quickly consoled him with "And while we're out today, we'll get you five more presents. That will give you one hundred and five presents: four more than last year." Porky nodded and grabbed the nearest parcel.

The telephone then rang and Aunt Joanna went to answer it. While she was talking, Ness and Uncle James watched Porky unwrap the treadmill, a laptop, a remote control helicopter, twenty new Wii games, and a DVD player. Porky was unwrapping a silver ring when Aunt Joanna came back looking downcast.

"Terrible news, James." she squeaked. "Conker's broken his hip- he can't take him" She said this pointing to Ness.

Porky's jaw dropped, but Ness's heart soared. Every year, Porky's family took him out somewhere fun for his birthday, And every year, Ness was left behind with Conker, a nasty, foul-mouthed drunkard who lived seven houses down from them.

"Now what?" Uncle James snarled. "We could leave him with your sister Emma" Joanna suggested. James replied "Don't be silly, she absolutely _depises _him!"

They continued to argue like this until the doorbell rang and Porky's best friend Picky stepped in.

Forty-five minutes later, Ness, who couldn't believe his luck, was in the back seat of his uncle's new Porsche with Porky and Picky, headed to the zoo for the first time in forever*. His aunt and uncle agreed that this was the only thing they could do with him, but before they left, Uncle James had made Ness swear to do nothing funny, and he agreed he wouldn't.

While they were driving, Uncle James complained, which was something he did often. His favorite topics were his boss, Ness, the government, Ness, the national debt, and Ness. This morning, however, it was tanks.

"Horrendous, exaggerated machines..." he grumbled as one meandered down the street.

"I had a dream about a tank." Ness remembered. "It was flying." This caused Uncle James to nearly crash into the back of the Toyota in front of them. He then turned and screeched "_**TANKS CANNOT FLY, YOU IDIOT!**_" which in turn caused Porky and Picky to giggle. Ness kept quiet after that.

They soon arrived at the zoo, which was crammed with people and their children. The Bonds bought five-scoop Oreo ice cream at the ice cream truck at the front, and then, because the grinning man had asked Ness what he wanted in the nick of time; they bought him a measly vanilla/chocolate cone. It was actually good, Ness thought as he watched a kangaroo (who looked a _lot _like a tan-haired Porky) pick its nose.

The morning was surprisingly great. Porky and Picky were so engrossed with the animals that they didn't hit him once, and during lunch, when Porky complained that his Every-Topping ice cream cone** didn't have enough toppings on it (which made no sense whatsoever) Uncle James bought another one and Ness eagerly finished the first.

After that, they went to the monkey exhibit. Porky and Picky wanted to find the monkey capable of causing the most destruction, and they found it quickly: a gorilla twice Uncle James's size. However, the beast was fast asleep. Porky and Uncle James tried to awake it with little luck.

After they left, Ness took a look at the gorilla. He pitied it: no company except for idiots trying to wake it up. As he was pondering this, the gorilla woke up and looked straight into Ness's eyes.

_It winked._

Ness was taken aback. He checked to see if nobody else was watching, then winked back. The gorilla then pointed to Porky and Uncle James with a look that said _"I know how you feel 'round them, homie."_

"Yup. It's annoying. Where did ya come from anyways?" Ness asked.

The gorilla pointed at the sign: _Silverback gorilla, Kenya._

"Was it nice in Kenya?"

The gorilla pointed at the sign, and Ness read on: _This specimen was born in the zoo. _"Oh, sucks to not know how your birthplace was like."

"**PORKY! MR. BOND! COME LOOK AT THE GORILLA! ITS DOING SOMETHING **_**INCREDIBLE!"**_

Porky waddled up to the glass, pushing Ness aside. "Move, ya freak." he snarled at Ness. He then leapt back in surprise with a howl.

The glass separating the gorilla from the outside world had disappeared, and the gorilla jumped out of the cage, running towards freedom and scaring the entire exhibit. As it left, Ness could have sworn he heard a low voice rumble _**"Kenya, look out, I'm coming back… Thanks, homie."**_

They left the zoo fairly quickly after that. All throughout the ride Ness had to listen to Porky and Picky screech about how the gorilla had tried to choke them. The worst part (for Ness, at least) was when Picky was able to get a grip on himself and say "I saw Ness talking to it, didja think he had something to do with it?"

Uncle James waited until Porky and Picky were out of sight before turning on Ness. His face was like a beetroot, and he only managed to choke out "Pantry…go…no food." Before fainting and being dragged off to bed by Aunt Joanna.

Ness squeezed himself into the pantry, cursing the Bonds for sinning him like this. He desperately wanted to know the time so he could sneak out and get some food. To pass the time, he thought about his miserable life.

He had been damned to a life with the Bonds for ten years, ten oh-so horrible years, ever since his parents had drowned in a flood when he was barely one year old. He had no memory of being with them during the flood, and he hated himself for that. Sometimes, when he was in the pantry and he strained his memory, he came up with an image of a lot of gray tiles and flashing blue light. He supposed this was the flood, though where the tiles had come from he had no clue whatsoever. He had no memory of his parents as well- there were no photographs in the house, and he was forbidden to ask questions.

When Ness was little, he'd have fantasies of an unknown relative coming to save him, but he had long accepted that that would never happen. He still held on to a thought (or hope) that strangers knew him- a tiny man in an astronaut suit had bowed to him while shopping, a thin blonde woman waved merrily at him on a bus, and a doglike man had shaken his hand once at a road crossing. But they all disappeared when Ness tried to follow them.

At school, Ness had no one. It was common knowledge that Porky Bond and his gang abhorred that odd Ness Greil, with the windlike face and the weird scar. And it was common knowledge that you should _**never **_disagree with Porky Bond and his gang.

***Three guesses as to which Disney movie this is a reference to. The first two don't count though.**

****Not to be confused with Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Also does not literally have every topping.**

**Anyways, that's all said and done. And… Can't think of anything else to say, so see ya!**


	3. The Letters Sent by Nobody

**AYYYYY WASSUP HOMIES IT'S PK2 HERE WITH MORE NESS GREIL! This fanfic is all I am updating lately, but WHO GIVES A CRAP? Anyways, I would like to give thanks to Marineazu, who favorite and followed this fic (as well as me) and Animeseris, who followed and reviewed the fic! Now, er, let's get going, shall we?**

**Eh? What's that I hear? You want a disclaimer? I decided to get Pit to do it for me today, since he was free. (Turns to Pit, who is gagged and bound to a chair)**

**Pit: Mmmph, rrrgh, mmmmph! (Translation: Let me go!)**

**PK2: (Walks over to him and rips off the gag) Only if you say the disclaimer!**

**Pit: (gasps) PK2 does not own Harry Potter or Smash Bros! NOW LET ME GO!**

**PK2: Gladly. (Lets Pit out)**

The escape of the Kenyan silverback gorilla had earned Ness his longest punishment _ever. _By the time he was let out of the pantry again, two weeks of summer break had gone by. Plus Porky had broken his laptop, knocked his remote control helicopter into a sewer, and somehow managed to knock down Conker on his first time using the treadmill.

Ness was ecstatic that school was done, but Porky's gang was never done visiting the house. Picky, Gary, Sid, and Ren were all heavy and idiotic, but the heaviest and the most idiotic was the leader, and that was Porky. The rest of them were only more than happy to help him in a little game they called "Hunting down Ness".

Ness spent a lot of time outside of the house for this reason. He spent most of this time in the garden, nursing a speck of hope. In September he would be going off to middle school, and he wouldn't be attending with Porky. Porky had been accepted to Waterford 007, Uncle James' old private school, along with Picky. Ness, however, was going to the local public school, Kendall Township, a fact that Porky found hilarious.

"The cool kids shove all of the newbies into the Dumpster on Day 1." he informed Ness. "You wanna practice?"

"Naw." Ness grinned. "The Dumpster might get Ebola* after having your head down it." He ran away before Porky could grasp the meaning of his sentence.

One hot June day, Aunt Joanna took Ness to Chicago to get his Waterford uniform, leaving Ness with Conker. The old man wasn't as bad as before. He had broken his hip while drunk, and since then had a certain disdain for alcohol. He gave Ness some cookies and let him watch _Total Drama Island _without complaining.

Later, Porky paraded around in his Waterford uniform, which resembled a secret agent's uniform, complete with a toy Taser. While Uncle James and Aunt Joanna held back tears of pride, Ness held back tears of laughter. Ness's mood level decreased the next morning when he saw _his _uniform- some of Porky's old things dyed dung brown.

The same morning Ness saw his uniform, Porky and Uncle James sat down with scrunched- up noses from the smell. They sat down normally for a while. Then, the mail slot opened.

"Get the mail, Porky."

"Make Ness get it, Dad"

"Get the mail, Ness"

"Make Ness get it, Uncle"

"Hit him with your Taser, Porky."

Ness dodged Porky's Taser and ran to the mail slot. Three letters greeted him: a letter from James' sister Emma, an electrical bill, and- _**a note for Ness.**_

Ness picked up the envelope and stared at it. Nobody had ever written a letter for him- they had no reason to. Yet here was a letter addressed so perfectly that there could be no mistake:

_**Ness Greil, The Pantry,1794 Microsoft Lane, Springfield, Illinois.**_

The envelope was made of heavy parchment, and the address written in rainbow ink. Ness turned the envelope over and saw a coat of arms: a mushroom, a gear, a circle with a triangle taken out of it, and a hedgehog all surrounding a strange circle with two lines going through it.

"AY, BOY? WHATCHA DOIN? LOOKING FOR GOLDEN LETTERS? GET BACK HERE!"

Ness was jolted back to his senses by Uncle James, and he hurried back to the kitchen, handing Uncle James the postcard and the bill. He then began to rip open his letter.

Uncle James scoffed upon seeing the bill. He then ripped open the postcard, and his face fell.

"Emma's ill." he explained to Aunt Joanna. "Got bitten by a strange bug…"

"Dad, Ness has a letter!" Porky yelled suddenly.

Ness was almost done unfolding his letter, but Uncle James swiftly yanked it out. "Uncle, that's mine!" Ness yelled. "Nobody in their right mind would write to you." Uncle James grinned, before unfolding the letter. He lost his red look of pride instantly; it turned to a green look of horror, and it didn't stop there. In only five nanoseconds it had become the brownish-yellow of a squished banana.

"Jo…jo..JOANNA!" he screamed.

Porky attempted to grab the letter, but his aunt got to it first. She read the first five words and nearly fainted. "James! Good God, James!"

They stared at each other, then they realized the kids were in the room and shooed them out, albeit with a lot of screaming. They then listened to Uncle James and Aunt Joanna talk, something about stalkers and stamping out nonsense.

That night, Uncle James paid a visit to Ness in the pantry- something he had never done before. He explained to Ness that he had burned the letter and that he wanted Ness to move up to Porky's fifth bedroom, which was usually used only for spare things. Ness was grateful to get out of the pantry, but he _really _wanted his letter.

The next morning, Porky fought with everyone to get his bedroom back, so Uncle James made him go get the mail. He found a letter addressed to Ness Greil in "The Tiniest Bedroom" instead of "The Pantry." This one was promptly trashed, but it gave Ness hope that he would be able to get his letter.

Ness then formulated a plan to get to the mail before the Bonds, which was foiled by Uncle James, who suspected something was up. He made Ness get him a muffin, and by the time he came back Uncle James had destroyed four letters. Uncle James then nailed up the mail slot.

However, the mysterious folk found other ways to send the letters- through the door cracks, in bottles of milk, through the fireplace. Porky asked Ness who wanted him to respond back this much in amazement.

After a particularly embarrassing incident in which a mouse barfed up the letters on their doorstep, Uncle James demanded that they leave the house. He drove in a weird pattern, muttering something about "shaking them off". They arrived at a dingy hotel, but even _there _they couldn't escape the letters, as the manager found two thousand of them on his desk. Uncle James then drove them to an even more obscure place. Ness had to deal with Porky moaning about trivial things all the way to nowhere.

"It's Thursday." he moaned to his mother. "_The Amazing World of Gumball_'s on tonight- I need a _**television**_."

This did give Ness a happy shock- if it was Thursday, then tomorrow would be Friday, his birthday. He never had happy birthdays-he received horrid gifts- but it wasn't every day that you turned twelve, right?

They arrived at a lone house on a cliff. Uncle James gleefully announced windy weather and led them inside. Uncle James did have rations- a protein bar and an apple each, but the place was still horrid.

Uncle James, Aunt Joanna, and Porky all found beds, but there were only three, leaving Ness on the floor. The windy weather started up, and Ness curled up on the floor. He secretly was excited about his birthday, and Porky's watch told him he'd be twelve in twenty minutes time. He began counting down the time.

Ten minutes to go. Ness heard what looked like a bear charging up the slope. Five minutes to go. Maybe there would be so many letters in the house that he could steal one.

Three minutes to go. Was that the wind, shaking the windows like that? And (with two minutes left) what was that knocking noise on the door- an eagle pecking it?

One more minute till he'd be twelve. Thirty seconds…fifteen…ten, nine, eight…should he wake up Porky to annoy him? ...three, two, one…

"**WARLOCK….. PUNCH!"**

The door shattered open with an intense explosion, the faint shadow of a figure visible through it.

**CLIFFHANGERS! I just love them. Don't you? Anyways, see you next time!**


	4. The Gateskeeper of the Mansion

**Well, how's life, my peeps? It's PK2, back again, once again! Like I do every single time, let me give thanks to my reviewers! First, up, InterestSparked, glad to see that your **_**InterestSparked **_**for this story! (Gets shot) I'm sorry, I just had to, hope you won't mind me making a pun out of your username. And Animeseris, let me tell you, when I saw your review I began laughing out loud. Thanks for sticking with me! And now, let's go! But first, a disclaimer, today featuring Ike!**

**Ike: (Reading the first chapter with a confused expression) What the…?**

**PK2: Something wrong?**

**Ike: Why is Ness my son? AND WHY IS SAMUS MY WIFE?**

**PK2: Because, story. NOW SAY THE DISCLAIMER!**

**Ike: (Sighs and rolls eyes) PK2 does not own Smash Bros or Harry Potter.**

"**WARLOCK… PUNCH!"**

The door blasted open with an explosion large enough to kill a cat. When the dust settled, a shadow could be seen in the wake of the moonlight, apparently laughing, The figure then quieted, and then stepped into the hut so they all could see him.

To say that the man was a giant would be understandable. His head touched the roof of the house, almost driving it to the point of collapsing. His skin was as black as the night that he had appeared from, but his hair was the color of fire. He wore clothes like a king's, and his arms looked like they could crush a motorcycle. His scowl was stiffer than stone.

The giant lowered his head so that he could step into the hut. He took a strange key out of his hand, pointed it at the doorway, and a new door magically appeared. He then faced the Bonds and Ness.

"Would it kill ya folks to keep a pot of coffee here for me? The journey's been _horrendous._"

He then proceeded to Porky's bed; Porky sat on the structure looking ready to pee his pants.

"Move, you pot of Play-Doh." the stranger snarled. Porky ran behind his mother, who in turn was hiding behind Uncle James.

"And look who it is- Ness!"

Ness looked up to see that the stranger's growl had been molded into a ginormous grin.

"I still remember the last time I saw ya- you were no more than an infant! "the giant chuckled. "You got a lot of your papa's features, but you inherited your eyes from your mama."

Uncle James made a noise that sounded like a washing machine breaking down, and then pulled out a tranquilizer dart.

"Sir, you are breaking the law! LEAVE AT ONCE!" he screeched.

"Ah, shut up, Bond, you big ol' pumpkin." The giant countered. He then plucked the tranquilizer out of Uncle James' hands and wrung it like a towel. This made Uncle James make a noise like a dying bull and sit down.

"Anyways, Ness," the giant turned back to him. "Happy birthday. Got you something-it might have been run over by a bike on the way here, but it's the best I could manage."

He handed Ness a slightly crumpled-up box that contained a vanilla cake with white icing on it. It also said _Happy Birthday, Ness _in yellow icing.

Ness tried to say thank you, but what came out instead was "Who are you?" This made the giant snort.

"Ah, sorry, I forgot my manners. Ganondorf Gerudo, The Gateskeeper of Smash Mansion, at your service." He then shook Ness's whole arm with his hand.

"Now what about that coffee, then?" he grunted. He noticed the measly fireplace, scoffed, pulled a coffee pot out of his jacket, as well as some china cups, china plates, and two packages of frankfurters. He muttered something over the fireplace, and it soon began to blaze. He then proceeded to make coffee and frankfurters. Porky reached out for one, but got slapped by Uncle James. The giant then replied with "That son of yours already broke the weight scale- he don't need more fattening."

He passed some sausage and coffee to Ness, who ate and drank it like it was his first meal. But he couldn't take his eyes off of the giant. He then said "Er… I don't know who exactly you are."

The giant scarfed down his sausage before answering: "I'm Ganondorf Gerudo, but please, call me Ganondorf- everyone does. And I'm the Gatekeeper of Smash Mansion, which you already know about."

"What's the 'Smash Mansion?'" Ness questioned.

Ganondorf's scowl returned. "Oh, sorry." Ness squeaked.

"It's not you who needs to be sorry, **IT'S THEM!**" Ganondorf rounded on the Bonds. "I knew you weren't giving him his letters, but you _**didn't tell him about the Smash Mansion?**_ _** THE PLACE WHERE HIS PARENTS LEARNT IT ALL?**_"

"All of what?" Ness asked, which only made Ganondorf snarl at the Bonds. "_**DID YOU TEACH THIS BOY ANYTHING?**_"

"I… I can do exponents… and other things…" Ness squeaked. "I mean about _my _world. _Your _world. _Your parents' world._" Ganondorf explained. "What world?" Ness asked, making Ganondorf's face go redder than his hair.

"**BOND!" **he roared, making Uncle James squeak out something like "Numa Numa"* Ganondorf then turned back to Ness.

"But you must know about your parents." Ganondorf began. "They're _famous_, you know. And so are you." "They... They are? "Ness asked, which was the last straw for Ganondorf.

"_**YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU **__**ARE?!**_" He screeched, causing Ness to cower in fear.

Uncle James then found his voice. "STOP! DON'T CONTINUE! I BEG OF YOU! DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING!" he screamed.

"Says the man who never told Ness what was in the letter that Mario left for him; the letter that _**I saw him leave**_." Ganondorf growled.

"What was in what letter?" Ness asked.

"_**FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, DON'T CONTINUE!" **_Uncle James yelled in horror. Aunt Joanna screeched in shock.

"Do me a favor and go bake your livers, OK?" Ganondorf scoffed. "You're a Smasher, Ness."

The house was silent.

"I'm… I'm a _what_?" Ness was able to force out.

"A Smasher, of course, and a mighty strong one!" Ganondorf flopped down on the ratty couch. "But with parents like yours, who wouldn't be as strong as you? And you've been waiting too long to get your letter."

Ness gasped as he saw a letter in Ganondorf's hand. He reached out to take it; it was labeled to _Ness Greil, the Floor, The Cottage on the Hill, Lake Erie, Michigan. _He tore it open and read:

**SMASH MANSION, SCHOOL OF SMASHING**

**Top-Tier Man: Mario Shroomer (Order of the Master Hand, First Class, Too Many Other Titles to Name)**

_Dear Mr. Greil,_

_We are delighted to inform you of your acceptance to The Smash Mansion, School of Smashing. Inside you will find a list of all of your needed equipment. Term will start on September 1__st__; your Staraptor is due on June 20__th__._

_Sincerely,_

_Lucina Yillise, Second-in-Command of the Smash Mansion_

"What does it mean, my Staraptor is due? What even _is _a Staraptor?" Ness asked.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot." Ganondorf muttered. From his pocket he pulled out an alive black-and-white hawk with a red hair tip; Ness assumed that this was a Staraptor. Ganondorf also pulled out some stationary and a pen which he used to write:

_**Dear Mario,**_

_**Given Ness his letter, will take him to get his stuff tomorrow. Weather sucks. Hope you're fine.**_

_**Ganondorf**_

Ganondorf rolled up the note and handed it to the Staraptor, who flew off with it into the wind. He then opened his mouth to continue, but Uncle James stopped him.

"He's not going." He snarled.

"Like a Contra like you can stop him." Ganondorf grinned.

"What's a Contra?" Ness asked

"Non-Smasher folk." Ganondorf answered. "And you had to be dumped with the biggest Contra family I ever saw."

"We swore when we adopted him that we would rub that senseless class out of him! Smasher indeed!" Uncle James snarled.

"You knew?!" Ness screeched. "You knew that I'm a Smasher _**and you never told me?!**_"

"OF COURSE WE DID!" Aunt Joanna's screech startled everyone. "With my sister being what she was, how could you _not?_ She got a letter _exactly _like that one, disappearing and returning every summer with pockets full of cat droppings, turning plates into Chihuahuas! I was the only one who saw her for the _**freak **_she truly was! But my parents wouldn't have it. Samus this and Samus that- they were honored to have a Smasher in the family!"

She took a rattling breath and continued on gleefully; she was finally getting the chance to vent out her problems.

"And then she met that _Ike Greil _there and they hooked up and had you. It was certain that you would be just like her, and then, if you please, she had to go and be _**fried to a crisp JUST SO SHE COULD DUMP YOU ON US!**_" she screamed.

Ness lost his ability to speak. He finally managed to stutter "Fried… Fried to a crisp? **YOU TOLD ME THEY DIED IN A FLOOD!"**

"_**FLOOD!" **_Ganondorf suddenly roared. _**"HOW IN THE NAME OF THE MASTER HAND COULD SAMUS AND IKE GREIL DIE IN A FLOOD? YOU HAVE DISGRACED THEM! NOT TO MENTION, YOU HAVENT TOLD NESS HIS STORY WHEN ITS KNOWN BY EVERY SMASHER KID OUT THERE!"**_

"What happened?" Ness asked, making Ganondorf's gaze soften.

"Oh, god, I didn't know you'd know so little." Ganondorf muttered. "Well, you see, Ness, a long time ago, there was this Smasher who went… _bad._ Badder than bad. More horrendous than Satan. His name was…" he shuddered.

"I hate saying the name…" he muttered.

"Can you write it down?" Ness inquired. "Nah, it sucks to even write it. OK, I'll say it, but only once… _**Andross.**_" Ganondorf shivered. "Never force me to say it again. Anyways, this… this Smasher went hunting for followers about twenty years ago. He got them too; some out of fright, some were lusting for power, cuz boyyy did he have a lot of it. It was the Dark Ages; you couldn't trust nobody." Ganondorf inhales before continuing, this time with more joy in his voice.

"Now, your parents were the finest Smashers of their day- the Junior Heads of their Company! One of the greatest mysteries is why the Unnamable didn't get to them sooner- probably too close to Mario for his liking. But he had a plan to turn them, or so they say, and so on Christmas Eve he headed over to the town where your family lived. At the time, you were only nine months old…"

Ganondorf nearly broke down. "Sorry.. Your folk were too nice…" He continued with tears dripping down his face.

"The Unnamable murdered them. And then- this is where it gets weird- he tried to kill you too. _**But he couldn't. **_It's a mystery to this day. Didja ever think about that scar on your head? That can only be made when someone survives a powerful Final Smash, or killing curse. No one was safe once they got on the Unnamable's hitlist- so many powerful families were killed- and you weren't even a year old, _and you survived._" Ganondorf whispered the last part of the sentence.

All this time, Ness's head was hurting. While Ganondorf finished his story, he had the vision of the blue light and tiles again, except now he could remember something else- a menacing laugh of triumph and insanity.

"I rescued you from the wreckage. Sent you to this _**slaughterhouse…**_"

"Load of bullcrap." Uncle James startled them- they had forgotten that the Bonds were even in the room.

"Now, boy, I always knew there was something strange about you, but there's nothing a good whipping won't fix." He growled with the eyes of a serial killer. "Your parents were the _exact same_. Truth be told, they are _**better off dead**_."

"Say that again…" Ganondorf taunted while aiming a flashlight at him. Uncle James lost his courage and sat down.

"Ganondorf… Thanks for telling me. But what happened to Andro- I mean, the Unnamable?" Ness inquired.

"That's a great question, Ness. He disappeared the same day- that's truly why you're famous. Nobody knows why it happened. Nobody knows what happened to him. Some say you killed him- which is a load of bullcrap, the devil can't die. Others say he's still out there, that's more sensible. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that you made history." Ganondorf stared at Ness with admiration.

Ness, however, doubted all of this. According to Ganondorf, the Smashers were powerful beings with the capability to punish the strongest men. If that was so, then why had he allowed himself to get tormented so easily by his aunt and uncle? Why did he let Porky push him around so much?

"Sir… You've made a mistake. I can't be a Smasher." Ganondorf chuckled and simply said "Consider the following: Do you remember anytime that you made something weird happen when you were down?"

In fact, Ness _did _remember times like those: in preschool, he had made a bully grow a clown nose when the bully stole his teddy bear, he melted snow and wetted Porky and his pals after they threw snowballs at him, and how else would he have been able to set that gorilla free?

"See, Nessy boy? At the Mansion, you'll be a st-"

"He'll go over my dead body." That was Uncle James.

"A big ol' Contra cannot stop Ike and Samus Greil's son from going to the Mansion- his name's been down since before he was born!" Ganondorf snorted. "Seven years there and he'll forget you ever existed. He's gonna be with fellows of his own kind, and he'll be learning under Mario Shroomer, the greatest Top-Tier Man ev-"

"_**I AM NOT SENDING HIM OFF TO BE TAUGHT BY SOME LOONEY-TOON WACKJOB!**_" Uncle James yelled.

He had crossed the line. Ganondorf snarled before taking out his flashlight and spinning it around and yelling "**Listen, mister! YOU WILL NEVER INSULT MARIO SHROOMER WHILE I AM AROUND!**"

He fired the beam at Porky, who was too surprised and too slow to escape it. There was a burst of smoke, and when it cleared, Porky stood howling in fear with sloth claws instead of fingernails. Uncle James and Aunt Joanna screamed in shock. Uncle James gathered his family up, and with one last terrified look at Ganondorf and Ness, left the cottage.

"Sorry 'bout that, I tend to lose my temper." Ganondorf sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I _**was **_gonna turn him into a sloth, but he was the near spitting image of one- the only thing missing was the claws." Ness instantly knew that they were going to be fast friends.

"Please don't mention that to anyone at the Mansion- not allowed to do any Smasher tricks. I am allowed to do stuff like deliver letters." Ganondorf begged suddenly.

"Um… Sure. But why aren't you allowed to do Smash moves?" Ness asked. Ganondorf sweatdropped. "Oh… I went to the Mansion myself…but I was expelled in my fourth year. They broke my Controller, or smash weapon, and everything. Mario made me the gatekeeper tho- he's a great man." "Why were you expelled?" Ness inquired, but Ganondorf gave him a look that told him to drop the topic.

"It's getting late. Let's get to bed- tomorrow's gonna be real busy." Ganondorf threw his jacket to Ness. "Be careful, I might have some poisonous spiders in there."

***Otherwise known as the Greatest Viral Video Ever.**

**That was really good! I finally get to stop writing so much dialogue for the Bonds! God I hated writing all of their dialogue… And we get to meet more Smashers! So, on that happy note, see ya later! **


	5. Tokyo Town

**Oy, fellas, it's the great PK2 here! Let's start things off today with more review replies! Actually, only one, done by my faithful Animeseris. Yup, this story will have Bipolar!Ganondorf. Hope you people don't mind that…hehe. Now, disclaimer! And today's Disclaimer Presenter is… Bowser!**

**Bowser: OH THANKS FOR SAVING ME FROM MY KIDS! THEY'RE REALLY RUINING MY REPUTATION WITH THE VILLAINS AND I ALWAYS GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO AND-**

**PK2: (Cuts him off) Say the disclaimer…**

**Bowser: Or what?**

**PK2: (Whispers) Or I'll tell Mario you and Peach have been dating for seven months behind his back!**

**Bowser: (Gulps) PK2 does not own SSB or Harry Potter!**

_Uggh… That dream tho… _Ness began to come to dizzily, savoring the dream he had had. A giant named Ganondorf had come to tell him he was a "Smasher" and he would be going to a special school for those of his kind. Unfortunately, it was just a dream.

_Knock, knock, knock! _

_And there's Aunt Joanna at the door ._Ness held back tears. He sat up, and Ganondorf's jacket fell off of him. He was still in the hill cottage, Ganondorf was asleep in front of him, and the knocking sound came from one of those hawks- Staraptors- as it pecked the window. _It was real! No more Bonds! _Ness's chest filled up with euphoria as he went to open the window.

With great difficulty Ness pulled the window open and let the Staraptor in. It held a scroll in its beak, which it dropped on the couch before attacking the coat. Ness attempted to pull it off, but it pecked him and focused on the coat.

"GANONDORF!" Ness yelled. "One of those Staraptors is-""Ya gotta pay him." Ganondorf growled sleepily. "Pay him?" "For delivering the newspaper. Give him seven of the little silver ones- the Pokedollars."

Ness rummaged around in the coat till he found seven Pokedollars, which reminded him of dimes. He held out the coins to the bird, which tucked them in its feathers and flew off.

Ganondorf rolled a few times before standing up and yawning. "Let's get going, Ness. School stuff a buyin'." At this, Ness thought of something that made his heart deflate. "G…Ganondorf…?" "Yes?"

"I... don't have any money… and Uncle James won't pay… " Ganondorf chuckled. "My boy, your parents wouldn't have left you nothing!" "But the house was destroyed!" "They wouldn't have been so stupid as to leave all of the money in the house! Our first stop is GameStop, the Smasher bank."

"Smasher have _banks?_" Ness asked.

"Just GameStop. It's run by zombies, so you'd be a madman to rob it." "**ZOMBIES?**" "Well, they prefer to be called ReDeads, but yeah, zombies. You know not to mess with a zombie; that's why GameStop is one of the safest places to keep something, along with the Smash Mansion."

Ganondorf was putting his jacket on as he spoke. "Got all yer stuff?" Ness followed him as he opened up the door, and they stepped outside. "Ganondorf, how did you get here?" Ness asked. "I flew." "Flew?"

"Yep, but let's use a boat to get there. I found one on the bay that we can use." Ganondorf showed ness the boat in question- a sturdy oak boat. Ganondorf got in the boat with Ness and began rowing. After a while, he snorted, muttered something, and the boat was zooming along like a speedboat. Ganondorf then took out his newspaper, read the first article and snorted.

"Smasher's Government ruining everything again…" he said to himself, but Ness caught wind of this and asked "The Smashers have a government?"

"Yup. They wanted Mario to be their President, but he's devoted to the Smash Mansion, so they got this gorilla called Donkey Kong to do it. Banana-brain if there ever was one. He bombards Mario with Staraptors _every single day _with a need for advice."

"What does a Smasher's Government do?" "They keep the Contras from finding us and making something like those witch burnings be a thing." The boat then crashed into the dock wall.

The massive Ganondorf was a beacon for attention, and it didn't help that he spent most of the trip questioning completely normal things. They arrived at a train station, where a train headed for Toronto was boarding. The duo boarded the train, which meandered lazily down the railroad.

On the way, Ganondorf asked, "Ness, ya got your letter?" Ness nodded. "There's a list of equipment there." Ness opened up another sheet, which he hadn't noticed last night. He read:

_Newcomers need:_

_The Standard Book of Smashing Attacks _

_A History of Smashing_

_Smashing Theory_

_A Beginner's Guide to Transforming Powers_

_Over 9000* Plants of the Smasher World_

_Items and Item-Based Potions_

_Smashing Beasts and Where to Find Them_

_Surviving the Subspace Arts_

_Newcomers will also need: 1 controller, 1 furnace, 1 set of scales, 1 brewing set. Students may also bring a Staraptor, Litleo, or Croagunk with them._

_**PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT NEWCOMERS CANNOT HAVE THEIR OWN SMASHBALL VEHICLES**_

"What's a 'Litleo'? And what's a 'Croagunk'?" Ness asked. "Oh, they're animals of our world- Litleos are like lion cubs and Croagunks are like poison dart frogs… Hold up, here we are." Ganondorf said as the train pulled into the Toronto station.

The two of them departed the train and meandered around the busy Toronto streets. All the while Ness was fantasizing about the entire thing: could there really be several pounds of Smasher riches underneath the Canadian streets? Were there really stores that sold controllers and furnaces? Of course, it could be just a joke…

"Ah, here we are, the Shepherds' Tavern!" Ganondorf snapped Ness out of his fantasies. "It's one of the first stops for any young Smasher." The place looked really dinged up. But what was even weirder was that people just passed from the Best Buy on its left to the Subway on its right without glancing at it- were Smashers the only ones who could see the Shepherds' Tavern?

Ganondorf pushed on the door and they headed inside. A large group of people were there for a morning brandy. Several women were gossiping in a group, and a little man in an astronaut suit was talking to the bartender, a thick man with blue hair much like Ness's own and a white cape. All of the people waved at Ganondorf, and the bartender grinned as Ganondorf and Ness approached. "Ah, Ganondorf! The usual breakfast wine, I'm guessing?"

"I would love to stay, Chrom, but I've got a lot of things on my agenda." Ganondorf began. "Errands for Mario, getting Ness here his school things… I'll stop by when my to-do list is clear; I was just showing Ness the tavern."

"I understand, Ganondorf, we are all- wait a moment, did you say _**Ness? **_As in _**Ness Greil**_?" Chrom the bartender whispered, looking at Ness. "Yup- the one and only!" Ganondorf proudly clapped Ness on the back.

"Oh, my **gods.** Never in all my years would I have dreamed…" Chrom stepped from behind the bar, kneeled down, and grasped Ness's hand. "Welcome back, Ness. _**Welcome back…**_" Meanwhile, all of the people in the bar were looking at Ness like he was Jennifer Lawrence or someone like that.

Then, there was a scraping of chairs, a mad rush for the bartender's seat, and Ness instantly found himself shaking hands with everyone in the Shepherds' Tavern and their mothers.

"Korrina Shalour, Mr. Greil, and all my life I have been _dreaming _of meeting you!"

"Look at how far you have come, Mr. Greil. Just look at how far you have come…"

"Oh, my gods! I'm meeting Ness Greil! _**MOMMY, GET THE CAMERA! ***_"

"Holy lord, I'm meeting one of my heroes! Alph's the name; Alph Hocotate!" "Hey! I remember you; you waved to me once in Target!" Ness yelled, which in turn caused poor Alph to have a fanboy attack and be dragged off by his brother. Ness then shook hands with more people (mostly Korrina Shalour).

"Excuse me, coming through…"

That came from an anthropomorphic pig wearing a flesh-colored suit heading towards Ness. His weird-looking eyes-black with yellow pupils- were brimming with tears of admiration at seeing Ness.

"Pigma Dengar!" Ganondorf cried out in joy. "Ness, this is Pigma Dengar, he's a professor at the Mansion, and he'll be one of your teachers."

"Ness…" Pigma shook Ness's hand. "It's an honor to come face-to-face with you at last…"

"What sorts of Smash attacks do you teach, Professor Dengar?" Ness inquired.

"I teach Subspace Protection, but it's not like you're in need of it, eh?" Pigma was trembling throughout the entire sentence. "And please, call me Pigma; at the Mansion, teachers are referred to by their first names by everyone." Pigma then turned for the door. "I must be going; I have to pick up a book on Reapers…" And with that, he left.

"A little weird, isn't he?" Ness said to Ganondorf about Pigma. "Give him a rest, he was a pilot before being a professor, I think all the high pressure got to him."Ganondorf growled.

They left the tavern and continued down the street until they reached a stone wall. Ganondorf pulled out his flashlight, motioning to Ness to pay attention. He flashed twice at the bottom, once at the middle, and three times at the top. The wall then dissolved, revealing street after street of what were obviously Smasher shops. "Welcome to Tokyo Town, main Smasher shopping center." Ganondorf grinned as Ness's jaw dropped.

They entered Tokyo Town and sauntered down its streets. Ness was admiring every little bit of it. He wished he had eleven more pairs of eyes so he could take in all of the beauty- shops with furnaces, shops with Items, shops with Staraptors, shops for _everything._ On the way, they passed an Apothecary, a pet store, a store where a group of boys were admiring something called a "Flame Runner", and then…

"GameStop." Ganondorf said. The bank was massive, much more impressive than the Contra store of the same name. Standing at the door were-

"Yep, those are ReDeads." Ganondorf pointed to the cartoonish zombies as they entered. They looked back at him with creepy eyes. Ness shuddered.

The ReDead at the desk was writing something, but looked up when Ganondorf entered. "Good day." Ganondorf greeted it. "We've come to take some money out of Ness Greil's safe. Oh, and to get a package from Vault 3005." "Do you have the key, sir?" the ReDead asked. "Sure do…" Ganondorf muttered while rummaging his coat, dropping a few dead earthworms on the counter in the process. He then came up with a small bronze key. "I see. Lee!" the ReDead called out.

Lee was another ReDead. He ushered them into a minecart and they throttled off. Ness was thoroughly enjoying the ride, but Ganondorf looked ready to throw up. They arrived at a door in a wall. Lee stepped out and opened it.

Ness gasped. In the room there were heaps of large gold coins. Lumps of smaller gold ones. Clumps of little silver Pokedollars. "Yours for the taking." Ganondorf grinned.

Ness looked ready to faint. The Bonds had left him broke for twelve years, and all of this time his parents had left a small fortune for him, buried in the Toronto underground. He wordlessly swept up some of it in a sack, aided by Ganondorf. "The larger gold coins are Shroomcoins, and the smaller gold coins are rupees." Ganondorf explained. "Eleven Pokedollars make a rupee, and twenty-three rupees make a Shroomcoin; it's as easy as 1-2-3."

They then went further underground, and soon reached the mysterious Vault 3005. The door had no handle, Lee stroked it with his fingers and opened it, leaving Ganondorf to collect the trivial-looking package inside. Ness wondered its purpose as they hurtled back up. As soon as they reached top floor, Ganondorf threw up.

They then reentered Tokyo Town with enough money to buy seventeen Nintendo 3DSs. As Ness was contemplating which candy store he should raid first, Ganondorf dragged him to an outfit store: "Birdo's Smashing Outfits" They were met with something that looked like a cross between a dinosaur and a vacuum cleaner, who was apparently Birdo. She smiled at them, sat Ness in a chair in a separate room (Ganondorf had slipped off for a wine in the Shepherds' Tavern.) and then began to measure him. Ness, however, was focusing on someone else- an anthropomorphic turtle around his age, who was being fitted next to him. He was small, with a yellow face, green body, and two spiked collars on his wrists. He was also wearing a bib with a mouth drawn on it, apparently trying to look ferocious.

"Oh, hi there." The turtle turned to talk to Ness, startling him. "You goin' to the Mansion too?"

"Umm…Yes." Ness didn't know what else to say.

"My pop's next door purchasing my textbooks and my mum's across the street looking at controllers." The turtle sounded very bored. "Then I'll drag them near the entrance to look at Smashball vehicles. Newcomers can't get them; I'll probably smuggle mine in."

Ness had instant flashbacks of Porky.

"Do _you_ have a Smashball vehicle?" the turtle asked. "Nope." Ness answered, though he first wanted to know what the hell Smashball was.

"Do you even _play_ Smashball?" the turtle asked. "Nope." Ness said, feeling dumber and dumber. "I do- Poppa says if I'm not picked to play for my Company he'll skin me alive. What Company d'you reckon you'll be in?"

" I dunno." Ness was now wondering what a Company was. "That's justifyable; no one knows until they get in. I'm one hundred percent sure I'll end up in Sega, like the rest of my family. I would commit suicide if I ended up in Namco tho."the turtle continued "Uh-huh." Ness wished that he could actually say something smart.

"Good _god_, look at that man!" Ness turned to see that the turtle was now pointing at Ganondorf, who had arrived with some ice-cream. "Oh, that's just Ganondorf, what about him?" Ness replied, secretly pleased to know something that this stuck-up turtle didn't. "Oh yea, I remember now, he's a slave!" the turtle exclaimed.

"He's the gateskeeper." Ness's respect for the turtle was decreasing with each second. "Rumor has it; he gets drunk all the time and has burned down the Mansion at least twenty times." The turtle smirked and scoffed. Then his expression changed. "Is he with you? If so, why- your parents dead or something?" "As a matter of fact, yes, my mom and dad are dead." Ness growled. "Sucks. But were they purebloods? "the turtle asked. Luckily, Birdo came back with Ness's clothes and ushered him out before he could respond. "See ya at the Mansion, then!" the turtle called out.

Ness wordlessly ate his ice-cream with Ganondorf. After some silence, he asked "What's Smashball?" Ganondorf looked at him sympathetically before responding "Smasher sport, like football is for Contras." "And what are Namco and Sega?" "They're two of the four companies that you can be placed in. Everyone says that Namco is for the bimbos." That's where I'll be." Ness lowered his head.

"Better Namco than Sega- all of the major bad Smashers came from Sega, including the Unnamable." "Andro- I mean, the Unnamable came to the Mansion?!" Ness nearly screamed. "Many years ago." Ganondorf lowered his head.

They then bought some Item-brewing sets, ink and calligraphy pens, a furnace, and scales, as well as a lot of textbooks. At noon they headed back to the town center.

"Just your controller left- oh yeah, I need to get you a birthday present." "Shucks, you don't have to, Ganondorf." "No, you need an animal. Croagunks are not popular, and I'm allergic to Litleos. I'll get you a Staraptor- dead useful beasts."

Twenty minutes later, they walked out of The Staraptor Shop with a Shiny Staraptor- a Staraptor with brown feathers and a blue hair tip- in a cage. Ness kept on blubbering his thanks, sounding ridiculously like Pigma.

"Shucks, thanks, but we need to get your Controller, and those can only be found at Gyromite… which we are arriving at now." They stood in front of a store that said: _Gyromite, making controllers since 1__st__ century AD_

They entered a seemingly empty shop filled with weapons of all kinds. Ness looked around for a manager when a soft "Good afternoon…" startled him. He turned around to see a white robot with spectral green eyes heading for him. "My name is R.O.B. It's good to see you."

"Umm… Yeah-" Ness was cut off by R.O.B's monotone voice. "I had a premonition you would come here. You're eyes look just like your mother's. It felt like only two hours ago that she was looking over controllers herself. Her weapon was a whip- a versatile thing that was perfect for quick jabs."

R.O.B. kneeled in; Ness wished he would blink so those spectral green eyes could go away. "Your father, though, preferred a sword. It was a heavy thing, but perfect for closed-ranged melee. And that's where…"

R.O.B. touched the scar on his for head. "I sold the controller that did it." He said mournfully. "A stone mask, that could produce tiles at will. A powerful controller, and it went into the wrong hands…"

The robot then noticed Ganondorf. "Ah, Ganondorf Gerudo! It was a sword, right? Thin and easy to stab opposers with?" "Yep!" Ganondorf grinned with nostalgia. "But they broke it when you got expelled." R.O.B growled sternly. Ganondorf sheepishly grabbed his flashlight. "Let's cut to the chase."

"Ah, yes. So, you see, Greil, all of our controllers can bestow its user a special power, ranging from pyro- kinesis to causing explosions. With that out of the way, here's a rifle. Good for long-ranged shots, lets the user transform to stone at will." Ness held up the rifle, but R.O.B snatched it out. "Nope, let's try this hammer. Stocky and versatile, gives the user cryo-kinesis." Ness held up the hammer, but R.O.B took that out of his hands as well. "Now let's try this club…"

Two hours later and they were still deciding on a weapon. Ness was getting frustrated. Then, R.O.B droned "Oh, this is a weird combo. A baseball bat, gives out lots of damage, gives the user psychic powers."

Ness held the bat in his hand and felt a sudden warmth fill his fingers. He raised the bat in the air and swung it with a great _CRACK!_ R.O.B and Ganondorf instantly began clapping.

"Bravo! Bravo! It's curious, however… So curious…" R.O.B muttered. The duo looked at him weird which led him on to say. "Each controller has a core that gives it its power. Your bat shares it core material with another weapon. It's ironic that the bat chose you, but its brother the mask scarred you."

Ness looked at the bat with new fear. "Yes, a stone mask that could produce tiles. The ways of fate are mysterious sometimes…" They paid R.O.B and left Tokyo Town with all of their new supplies plus the Staraptor. All the way back, something was bugging Ness, and it was only when they arrived back at Springfield that Ness brought it up. "Ganondorf?" "Yea, Ness?"

"Everyone thinks I'm so special. Chrom and his customers, Pigma, R.O.B. But I'm clueless about Smashing. I can't even remember anything about Andro- the night my parents died." Ganondorf chuckled. "You'll catch on. You always have crazy good times at the Mansion." Ganondorf began to walk away. "But wait! Where are you-" "See you September 1st, Ness." And with that, Ganondorf was gone.

***Yes, I just went there. (Jumps off of cliff) AND I HAVE NO REGREEEETTTTSSS!**

**Ah, finally done! And for those of you wondering about who Pigma Dengar is, he is a character from the Star Fox universe. He betrayed Fox's dad and basically killed him, then convinced Wolf to form Star Wolf, which he joined. To put it simply, he's a traitorous douchebag. Like Quirrell, which is why I had him play that role. He's also the first example of a non-Smasher character playing an important role, which we will see plenty of in the later books. So, I will see ya later!**


End file.
